


Is This Love That I'm Feeling

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-19
Updated: 2002-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-01 10:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/355716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark muses over his relationship with Lex in the wake of the events of "Leech".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is This Love That I'm Feeling

## Is This Love That I'm Feeling

by Lunar Plutonian

[]()

* * *

**IS THIS LOVE THAT I'M FEELING**  
Lunar Plutonian 

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with the "Smallville" television show, and any copyright violation is purely unintentional. This fic is a reprise of "Fool for Love", which is Clark's point of view after talking to Lex on the phone. I should probably also apologize for titling this piece after a song by Whitesnake! 

Poor Lex, Clark thought as he hung up the extension phone in his room. Lex had just called him to find out if he was okay after his big confrontation with Eric Summers. Clark had been able to tell Lex a partial truth this time, namely that Eric had lost his "mutant powers" after grabbing a power line and being zapped by it. Of course, Clark hadn't told Lex that he had those powers returned to him because he had grabbed onto Eric while holding Lana's meteor-rock necklace. 

But it hadn't taken long for Clark to pick up on the obvious fact that Lex had been drinking. Lex always pronounced his words in a very clear and crisp way. While on the phone, the slightest slurring of Lex's words had been evident. It had been like pulling teeth for Clark to get Lex to tell him what was wrong. Clark had learned from experience that if he would talk to Lex a certain way, Lex would become less guarded and tell Clark things he probably never told other people. Patiently using this method, Clark had found out that Lex had recently learned that his father had slept with Victoria, his trampy ex-girlfriend who had been staying at his castle for the past few weeks. Clark's reaction to this news had been a bit crude. 

  * "What a fucking SLUT!" * 



Clark had said that loudly enough that his parents had heard. "Clark, watch your language!" his father had reprimanded sternly. Clark had promptly blushed and shouted out an embarrassed apology while keeping the speaker end of the phone covered. The hurt Clark had detected in Lex's voice had outraged him deeply that someone pretending to care about Lex could do something like that. It had also made it very hard for Clark to feel good about having summed up that little skank Victoria correctly. Not to mention the fact that Lex's own father would stoop so low just to "teach Lex a lesson"! 

Clark thought about Lex sitting in that castle all alone with his pain and wished he could be there in person to console his friend. He thought about hugging Lex. Soon the hug he was imagining became something like a cuddle. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! Clark thought, mentally rapping himself across the knuckles for thinking about taking advantage of Lex. His breathing came in short, sharp gasps. Calm down, Clark, he told himself; you're a teenager, and you're just a little confused right now. 

Grappling with the realization that he felt an attraction to Lex was causing Clark no end of embarrassment with himself. He knew he was an alien, but his emotions seemed to parallel human emotions very closely. So he dealt with it by reminding himself of something he had read in a pamphlet in the guidance counselor's office at school, which had said that it was normal for guys in their teens to feel flashes of sexual attraction to male friends of theirs. 

It probably shouldn't have been surprising that Lex turned out to be the one who inspired these flashes in Clark. After all, Lex had truckloads of charm and charisma, and Lex was a very loyal and caring friend to Clark. But surprising it was just the same. When Clark had been trying to revive Lex after pulling him out of his car that had crashed into the river (after plowing right into Clark against the railing of a bridge), Clark had felt on some deep level he hadn't understood at the time that it would be a very bad thing if this guy were to die. Clark would have felt that about anybody, but not with such intensity. Even when Lex had been unconscious and close to death, Clark had sensed this guy was someone special. 

From the moment their unusual friendship had begun, Clark had been aware that Lex always made him feel special, too. It was a strange, nice feeling that to this day made Clark feel uneasy. Nice, but uneasy. Clark had realized he felt something about Lex that he felt towards neither Chloe nor Pete, after that horrible business at the fertilizer plant with Earl Jenkins taking his class hostage. Lex had exchanged himself for the freedom of all the kids, but Clark had known in his heart that Lex had been doing this for him. Clark had gone back into the methane-filled plant because he couldn't let his friend die saving him. What should have clued Clark in was how he had been able to pull Earl back up onto the catwalk above Level Three, with Lex holding onto Earl, despite the fact that Earl's meteor-rock infection had made Clark sick and weak. 

What had finally clued Clark in was the nightmare he had that evening about Lex falling to his death from that catwalk, after which his eyes stared up blankly from his broken body. Clark had awoken from the dream in a sweaty panic, fighting down the urge to call Lex in the middle of the night. Clark had been grounded for having thrown that party while his parents had been in Metropolis. But Lex had come over to Kent Farms the next day to check on Clark, despite the fact that he should have been resting and recovering from his injuries. When Lex had shown up in Clark's barn-loft and Clark had walked over to him, Clark had felt a quivering in his mouth. He had been so glad to see Lex alive and in one piece, Clark had felt the urge to kiss him. On the mouth! Clark had even felt himself starting to lean forward a little bit. 

Clark shuddered as he once again played in his mind the scenario of what would have happened if he had given in to that urge. Lex would blink twice, and his eyes would dart right and left in puzzlement. Then he'd cross his arms and fix his famous bemused stare right on Clark. Then Lex would say, "Uh, Clark, what exactly was * that * about?" Clark, of course, would likely be wishing there were a small meteor-rock right handy for him to ingest and die rather than deal with Lex's amused contempt. He would only be able to stammer and apologize like the geeky social moron he was, after which Lex would give him the "That's really very flattering, but I'm not interested in guys" speech. And even if that wouldn't end their friendship entirely, which would be very possible, that would cool it off in a major way. After all, Lex would probably make the mistake of thinking Clark was full-on in love with him and spanked off thinking about him and all that squicky stuff. 

There were times when Clark actually wondered if Lex was actually flirting with him in some way. Like that time in the office of The Torch when Lex had winked at him and said "I'll see * you * later!" in a way that sounded kind of suggestive. But that was just stupid thinking. After all, Lex had this quirky way about him that was just his style. Lex was always acting sexy like that as a way of putting people off, kind of a defense mechanism, like the suggestive way he would fondle a pool cue. Pushing people's buttons was probably Lex's favorite thing to do, and it always made Clark smile, sometimes even laugh. But it sure didn't mean that Lex was gay. 

Clark didn't have anything against guys who were that way ("Not that there's anything wrong with that!" Clark could virtually hear Jerry Seinfeld saying), but he knew he didn't want to be one of them. And he wasn't. After all, Lana Lang was the one he loved, the one he felt those grand passions about, even if he was starting to feel a little annoyed with her lately. But still, there had been a part of him that had actually liked it when Whitney had grabbed his ass in the locker room during his brief stint on the football team. And there were times when he caught himself wondering what it would have been like if Lex had been the one grabbing him like that. But he would quickly remind himself that Lex would never do anything that crass and vulgar, at least not those days. 

Lex had often said that his association with Clark was a good influence on him, and of course that would make Clark blush like a total hopeless dork. That was one thing, though, that made Clark feel terrible about having to lie to his best friend about what he really was. Shame burned in his gut as he thought about the way he had played Lex in the hospital after Lex had confronted him point-blank a few days earlier about the things he had so obviously been hiding. He had taken advantage of Lex's loving concern for him and had used it to cover his tracks, and he had been a total asshole for doing it. Knowing that's what he had to do didn't make it any less painful. More than anything, he wanted to tell Lex everything and beg his friend's forgiveness for lying so much. But he couldn't. It wasn't just his secret. There were his parents to think about, too, and he had always promised them he would never tell anybody, ever. Why was it, though, that keeping his secret from Lex was so much more of a big deal than keeping it from Chloe or Pete? Or from Lana, for that matter? 

But this business about being bisexual was just something Clark knew he had to put out of his mind. His parents had been through so much with him already. If he were to mistakenly jump to conclusions about his sexuality, he would probably add something to the mix that would prove more than they could handle. And they deserved much better than that from him. 

Clark turned out the light on his nightstand and got into bed. Pulling the covers over him, he hoped to God that he wouldn't end up dreaming about Lex that night. Again. 


End file.
